Whose stuff is it anyway?

If you are ever in the unfortunate situation where you have to sort through someone else’s belongings after they have passed away, let me tell you – it’s one of the hardest things you will ever have to do.

Not only will you be wrestling with devastating grief, guilt and probably exhaustion, you will be reliving each moment through every item you hold up.

My parents’ home was on the market for over a year. This meant that I had as much time as I needed, to sort through a lifetime of stuff. This, of course, was a double-edged sword. It meant that I had all the time to procrastinate. I could dwell on items and keep pushing the most painful reminders to another day.

Many, many times I was overwhelmed but I didn’t want anyone else rushing me to make decisions. I certainly didn’t want anyone else simply throwing away my parent’s belongings.

Since, I’d already gone through my mum’s stuff years before, I assumed I would be okay. This time though, there would be no one left. Once the stuff was removed, that would be it, there would be nothing left of my family. This is how black and white I felt about it.

No more saving for best!

Nothing prepares you for when you realise just how much stuff there is. A wardrobe full of new clothes, with tags on, that had never been worn. Items bought with every intention of being worn. Perhaps the occasion to wear them never came around, perhaps they didn’t feel as comfortable as the items they were replacing. Whatever the reason, it was heartbreaking, knowing that good money had been spent but the item had never been worn.

Unused items weren’t restricted to clothes. So many new towels, dressing gowns, slippers, all saved for the inevitable stays in the hospital. When the time came we were too rushed to search out these new ‘hospital best’ items.

Some items my parent’s probably bought themselves. Others, I’d bought because I believed that they needed to replace well worn items. Always, items were bought with the intention of making them, or ourselves, feel better.

Gifts, collected over a lifetime, deemed too special for everyday use, were still in their dust ridden boxes. Items declaring the best grandad and nana were everywhere. New socks from so many birthday’s and Christmases, keyrings, mugs and endless fridge magnets. These items were bought with the best intentions of showing love. My parents were loved, and I know they felt loved, and these regular gifts were meant to prove that love.

What we forgot along the way, is that these items were mounting up. Where they were displayed around their home, they needed regular cleaning. None of us would realise how much work this involved for an elderly couple.

How much time is wasted dusting items that are just sitting there gathering dust? How much time are we wasting trying to find the right gift to express our love?

Surely, there must be another way. Wouldn’t time spent with loved ones offer a better return for the giver and the receiver?

None of us want to be left with a pile of stuff. We want the memories of a life well spent and enjoyed with our loved ones.