Have you ever had that amazing feeling when you have overcome a problem that felt impossible to solve?

You did it! For a moment you believe you can solve any problem thrown at you.

As a primary school teacher one of the things that brought me so much pleasure in the job was that Aha moment when you could see something click in a child’s thinking. Allowing them to feel the satisfaction of believing they’d solved the problem themselves was priceless. This skill requires understanding and patience, as well as coaxing and offering time to reflect. This is one area where great teachers excel.

How many of us have these skills and patience with others? We may have them, but do we use them?

How often have you thought? ‘Oh it’s easier to do it myself‘, and then become resentful that we’re doing all the work? I once listened to a colleague bemoaning the fact that she did all the work around the house, that her husband had to be asked to do anything, and that her explanations of how to do it correctly were getting her down. She could not see that her poor husband was so afraid of not doing it correctly that he had simply given up trying. Who was winning in this situation?

How many of us cringe when we watch our children doing something ‘not our way’, and seemingly taking forever. Constantly correcting and offering unwanted advice is the recipe for conflict.

How many of us roll our eyes when we see our elderly parents trying to do something on their phone, or rush through an explanation without thinking whether they understand or not.

Are we encouraging learned helplessness by always taking over and rushing the result?

Do we stop and think about how frustrating it feels not being able to do something?

How often do we reach to google to solve a problem without trying to solve it ourselves?

Of course we should ask for help if we need it, and it’s more than worth it to pay for an expert, rather than trying to work something out ourselves if the stakes are high.

But always jumping in is not the answer.

And neither is doing it all ourselves.

I remember my father spending ages trying to teach me how to tie my shoelaces. If he hadn’t shown this patience when I was young how long would I expect him or someone else to tie my shoelaces? Or would I have simply bought slip on shoes and removed the need to learn a new skill?

Giving up and giving in is easy but it is soul destroying. Resilience is an often overlooked skill and one that can lead to greatness.

The difference from those that can and do is often that they simply didn’t give up. Thomas Edison famously didn’t give up, sharing that he hadn’t made tens of thousands of mistakes but merely found tens of thousands of ways that didn’t work.

Think of the recipes that have taken thousands attempts at finding the perfect flavour. Or the cars that wouldn’t have been developed, the films that wouldn’t have been made or the books that wouldn’t have been written if the person with the ideas had simply given up if their first or subsequent attempts hadn’t gone to plan.

By stepping in to intervene early we are denying our children, or those we are helping, the chance to know what achievement feels like. It may be easier in the short term but it’s time to show patience and let someone you love enjoy that satisfying feeling of overcoming their own problem. It might just turn out that there wasn’t such a big problem in the first place.