You are the owner of your own life. This is worth reading twice and it is something that we may forget from time to time.

Growing up it is hard to believe this as our parents decide what’s best for us. As a young child I had no say in what I was to wear each day, what I was to eat and where I might be going on any given day. What my parents said was the law effectively. There was no point in arguing because that’s just the way it was.

With my own children I tried to give them choices, but I was still limiting these choices and guiding them to what was best.

Lately, I seem to be hearing more and more parents asking their children what they would like to wear and allowing that choice, without any thought for the weather or the occasion. I’ve heard them asking what they would like to eat and where, regardless of the cost or health benefits – take away anyone?

Giving children choices is a good thing. Making them responsible for daily decisions is quite another. We should be guiding children towards good decisions since we are the ones with the experience and hopefully greater knowledge and understanding. I say this with a pinch of salt as I remember trying to talk my parents into giving up smoking after a school lesson on the effects of smoking. I would argue strongly that my young self had more knowledge in this instant.

You can make your own decisions and I have no right to persuade you otherwise.

Ah but don’t we try! Once we obtain some knowledge it is very easy to believe it is set in stone. That this is the truth. That everything else must be wrong.

What we have learned and what we believe might be true doesn’t mean we should dismiss someone else’s ideas or beliefs, or to try to persuade them towards our way of thinking. I wish I could’ve understood this many, many times as I’ve offered unsolicited advice. Of course, this advice was only ever offered from a place of love but I know this is not always how it was perceived.

Telling someone of the dangers of smoking and giving a litany of ideas as to why it’s a bad idea doesn’t go down well. They know all the pitfalls and may even wish to give up themselves, but constant nagging about the dangers simply alienates the relationship.

The same goes with any bad habits or addictions. Pointing out everything that is wrong with the behaviour never helps anyone, least of all the person struggling.

One of the best ways I’ve learned to help is to respect others’ decisions and learn to love them anyway. After all, this is what we’d like for ourselves.

I will respect your decisions and I expect you to respect mine.